please know that you are worth so much. our lives have been so different to yours, some of us dont truly understand what you have been through, and from some of us you may not recieve the warmest welcome. i can only apologise for that, its lack of understanding! it breaks my heart hearing of your situations, and my prayer is that the love of Jesus will be made known to you. there is always hope, God has amazing things in store for you if you take his hand. please, be blessed, and know that you are welcome and i am sorry i cant help more xxxxx